So one of my very best friends in the whole wide world, Melissa, is here visiting me in Madison, and we decided to compile a list of our top ten funniest dating/relationship moments. Here they are... but please bear in mind that we're not allowed to edit what the other person types.. hmm....
1. When an intoxicated JS rolled over and started making out with Melissa in his sleep. Startled, she responded, "JS, I'm OK with this, but I think we might regret it in the morning." Needless to say, their impromptu night of "romance" ended there.
2. When on their first date, JS' date washed down a near-lethal dose of four Vicodin with four shots of Bacardi... all within the first hour of the evening. Sounds like a fun night for all parties involved... or at least for the party going on in Brendan's head.
3. When Melissa realized that the reason she was driving her date home was because he was too young to be issued a driver's permit. Unfortunately, at that point Melissa realized that some of their prior activities were considered illegal in 47 states.
4. When over the course of two years Melissa and JS ended up making out with the same guy... luckily for him, however, JS' chin remained unscathed. Melissa was left explaining her "rugburn" to her entire congregation on Sunday morning.
5. When JS got a guy's number from the guy's two best friends (15-year-old, braces-laden, barely-post-pubsecent high school girls), and on their first and only date learned that the guy's sole ambition in life was to climb to the top of the Madison Old Navy's corporate ladder. Good luck with that, Todd. Unfortunately, JS is still getting text messages which read, "ur a ass but im over it."
6. When Melissa's date informed her on their first date that her biological clock was ticking and then insisted that they plan their children's names. Unfortunately, after Melissa brushed him off, he stopped attending her church. Satan is now waiting with open arms to welcome Melissa into the fiery halls of hell for leading Andy astray from Christianity.
7. When JS' recovering-alcoholic boyfriend started giving JS homework replete with readings on Alcholism and Co-Dependency that he got at his nightly AA meetings. We spent a lot of evenings at coffee shops during the course of that relationship, but went out to a slamming bar the night they broke up.
8. When JS lived atop a mountain and received daily letters from Melissa, and one day he opened the missive to find a pornographic account of her last two evenings with a certain someone. Unfortunately, he turned out to be a lousy speller. Apparently, though, Melissa had never screamed louder. Hmm.
9. When Melissa's ex-fiance instructed her to run out to the nearest bookstore and buy a copy of Instinct, a gay magazine in which he was featured in the Bachelor's section on page 42. Melissa was not surprised to find three of her other exes in the magainze as well.
10. When JS and Melissa were both involved in perfectly stable, healthy, and loving relationships with the men of their dreams... oh wait. That's never happened... Happy freakin' New Year.